• Keith Mathison

How to be a Modern Progressive


Step One: Insist that there is no such thing as the truth. Insist that there is only your truth and my truth and that both truths are equally valid. Insist that people who believe in absolute truth do so only in order to oppress others. Insist that my previous insistence is absolutely true. Ignore the irony. Attempt to get my government to make my truth the law and to force it on those who have a different truth because my truth is the truth. Ignore the contradiction with my first premise. Remind myself that logic is a tool of oppression.


Step Two: Insist that there is no objective standard of good and evil and that good and evil are relativistic concepts. Insist that my progressive views are objectively good and that anyone who has different views is objectively evil. Ignore the irony. Remind self that people who point out contradictions in my thinking are evil because logic is a tool of oppression. Attempt to get my government to make my ethical truth the law and force it on those with a different ethical truth.


Step Three: Create numerous social media accounts to insist that there is no such thing as objective truth or objective good, to condemn as untrue and evil anyone whose truth is different from my truth, and to remind myself and others that logic is a tool of oppression.


Step Four: Iron my brown shirts. Congratulate self about how enlightened I am.


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Reminder: progress isn't progress if you are heading in the wrong direction.


Isaiah 5:20


Woe to those who call evil good

and good evil,

who put darkness for light

and light for darkness,

who put bitter for sweet

and sweet for bitter!


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